when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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