Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
