i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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