quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You pole danced in your parka.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
