i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
