shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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