this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
