What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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