I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
