I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
