i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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