one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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