I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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