I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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