a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
