So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are we still banned from the library?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
