Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
