bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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