I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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