Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
