dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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