i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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