my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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