the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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