You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize