what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
