Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
