Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
