shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do vagina's smell?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
