i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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