Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
