Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
