So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
