We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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