If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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