people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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