first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
