return my video game
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
