He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
