Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
