anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
