a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
