I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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