fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Mom said you looked used
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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