Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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