This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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