u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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