I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
