ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My ATM looks so different sober.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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