Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm too high and old for this...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
