He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
