So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
