good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize