I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize