He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
