party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
