Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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