You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
