Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
