i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
