this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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