I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
