Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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