That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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