I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize