I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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