I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
