My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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