Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize