haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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