told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
