You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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