I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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