my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
