come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize