the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even my farts smell like vagina
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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