this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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