im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
