is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
