3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize