I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
