well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize