Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
foreskin is a definite game changer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
