you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
