what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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