fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
