just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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