i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my shit smells like andre
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
