his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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