I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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