Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cockslap morals
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
